Thursday, May 7, 2009

No one cares like your mom

If you are single, no one cares like your mom.
You make do with what you have - yourself.
Such a simple thing to understand.
Hard to feel unless you really love yourself.
I'm trying to get there. I really am.
I'm trying to be the one that says everything will be ok.
And mean it.
I'm trying to not despair.
I haven't had trauma. I have had drama.
And now that it's subsided, I'm left with me.
Yes, and all the people who love me and do care.
But they are not here.
I am here.

Damn Grey's Anatomy for making me start crying. For pushing the buttons. I had a hell of a day. Sort of. Just the third day in a row of getting a headache. I've learned to not dismiss the experiences I have by comparing them to someone I don't know who has a worse situation. I have to accept what I'm feeling, but not wallow, but the balance shifts one way or the other sometimes. I fought back against my pain issues by not giving myself a break. This week I'm not doing anything - climbing, biking, working out. And I get three headaches in a row. Today I couldn't really even finish my therapy session. By midway through I was sitting on the floor, head in the chair, trying to concentrate to continue the session, when I had been able to walk in with a slightly upset head. I barely made it back to my office, and was on the floor for an hour, expecting it would go away because I had taken drugs, but it didn't. At least I didn't drive myself home or take public transportation. At least when I couldn't find a ride home I took a taxi, and took care of myself. And by 6:30 I was ok. Except mom wasn't here, and I know now better than to call her after 5:00 or so - she's tired and gets confused easily now so early in the day, and I wouldn't want to upset her. So I'm my own mom. Welcome to the single world.


Stray Cat said...

I prescribe a Bobby McFerrin concert. He made me smile from the inside out, laugh at everything as well as cry about everything. (BTW, I was pregnant at the time). Let yourself feel the real, knowing that emotions are fleeting. Hope this helps a little bit. Take care, sista.

"This, too, shall pass."

Churlita said...

I'm sorry. So, are your migraines hormonal too? Mine are and I've had mine on and off for the last few days. Luckily the Imitrex has worked. It just takes some time. Maybe your doctor can try a different migraine drug.

I don't have a mom, but my oldest daughter gave me a decent neck and shoulder rub, but then I had to drive her and her sister all over. So, I guess it would be better to have a mom, than be a mom in those situations.

Pamela said...

SC, thanks. I actually am getting kinda tired of all the boo hooing I'm doing, so likely that's a good sign.

Churlita, do you get them three days in a row? I think mine are turning hormonal. Lord. I have to go through this once a month??

laura b. said...

That is very poetic.

I like the kind of crying I get to do watching Grey's Anatomy, but probably wouldn't if it was just one more reason to feel like crying..

Squirrel said...

funny... I was just talking to my therapist on Wednesday about the need to mother oneself when one's own mother is not available for whatever reason.

Mel said...

((((((((((( you )))))))))))))

Some moments are better than others. And I do so wish there'd a 'mom' to consult. I envy those who have 'em.

Thinkin' of you...