If you are single, no one cares like your mom.
You make do with what you have - yourself.
Such a simple thing to understand.
Hard to feel unless you really love yourself.
I'm trying to get there. I really am.
I'm trying to be the one that says everything will be ok.
And mean it.
I'm trying to not despair.
I haven't had trauma. I have had drama.
And now that it's subsided, I'm left with me.
Yes, and all the people who love me and do care.
But they are not here.
I am here.
Damn Grey's Anatomy for making me start crying. For pushing the buttons. I had a hell of a day. Sort of. Just the third day in a row of getting a headache. I've learned to not dismiss the experiences I have by comparing them to someone I don't know who has a worse situation. I have to accept what I'm feeling, but not wallow, but the balance shifts one way or the other sometimes. I fought back against my pain issues by not giving myself a break. This week I'm not doing anything - climbing, biking, working out. And I get three headaches in a row. Today I couldn't really even finish my therapy session. By midway through I was sitting on the floor, head in the chair, trying to concentrate to continue the session, when I had been able to walk in with a slightly upset head. I barely made it back to my office, and was on the floor for an hour, expecting it would go away because I had taken drugs, but it didn't. At least I didn't drive myself home or take public transportation. At least when I couldn't find a ride home I took a taxi, and took care of myself. And by 6:30 I was ok. Except mom wasn't here, and I know now better than to call her after 5:00 or so - she's tired and gets confused easily now so early in the day, and I wouldn't want to upset her. So I'm my own mom. Welcome to the single world.