It's clear that my medication needs to be increased. The event with my ex was just the beginning. Yesterday I should have kept my door shut all day and not spoken to anyone, but I had windows of being ok, so I thought I could pretend to be normal. Yet the stress of hearing one of my 'bosses' break down on a conference call, the stress of seeing the vultures circling in the office figuring out where to put everyone in smaller spaces, the stress of being told I'm not doing my timesheets right because I HAVE to balance 50% between two projects made me have a blowout with my boss. Drag down knock out fight - verbal that is. The things that came out of my mouth. And we were doing so well in getting along. Last night my ex was at the gym and came over to say hi/get water when I was sitting putting my shoes on, and I told him he wasn't the only one I had a blow out with. And starting crying, because you can't take what you say back. And he encouraged me to try.
So last night I sent my apologies and this morning we had a talk. She's shocked/amazed by how blunt and open I am, but I can't not explain what's going on. I have to have at least a couple people in my life understand that if I could control this I would. I'm trying the best I can. It took me years and years when I was younger to figure out what triggered migraines. I've only been dealing with this diagnosis and the reality for 6 months or so - the bipolar 2 thing. And it's real. It's not a figment of my imagination. I am not a bad person. I can't always control it. And that SUCKS. So I have to clean up my messes.
Anyway, I decided since it's raining I would not bike so I had to drive some. And I played a very appropriate song, which made me feel better. So, sharing it with you.
Embedding was disabled by request, and I want to share her video, so please click here. Alicia Keys, Superwoman.