Monday, May 4, 2009

Angry Monday

I'm angry that I have pains that won't go away. But they likely won't go away because I won't rest my body.
I'm angry because I'm going to a chiro but I don't believe they really will help and are one of those that just want to string you along and I have add yet more dr's appointments to my week.
I'm angry because on Sat. I spent $85 on an amazing 1 hour massage from a former butcher (I love saying that) and I hurt 2 hours later.
I'm angry because I have cut way down on communication with my ex so that he's actually instigating communication, it's been so long, and it makes me sad.
I'm angry because life isn't black and white and I have to constantly make decisions that I don't know if they are right.
I'm angry because I'm alone and have noone to express my anger to except me in this blog. I just want someone to hold my hand and tell me it'll all be ok someday.
I'm angry because I want to be #1 in someone's life and not #2 or 3 or 4 or 5. But I guess that someone has to be me.
I'm angry because I'm angry and I don't know if it's PMS, or mood swings.

And then it turns to crying.
There there. It will all be ok.
I hope so.

12 comments:

Churlita said...

I'm so sorry. I know things will get better for you, but let yourself be sad and angry. Whenever I've tried to just "get over" my feelings, it's only made things worse.

Pamela said...

thanks C... I know.

Squirrel said...

Days like this, I usually put on Ani Difranco and listen till I feel better. Which, as it happens, is what I'm doing today. So, there's that. I don't know if everything is going to be okay, but the crying usually helps.

Nate said...

You know I hate kooks, but I swear that Chiro will fix you up. That office worked miracles on me after other doctors wanted to slice me open.

The CEO said...

Chiropractors are like doctors. Get a good one and they are worth their weight in gold.

Feel better soonest.

Pamela said...

Yeah, it does Squirrel. A little. And spewing in general.

Nate, the thing is I only have this vague problem (headaches), not a specific one. The ones I'm concerned with right now are muscular, and they say they can't help with that and wanted me to go to their masseuse. But I like my butcher.

Monty, yes, true.

heather said...

today's definately a 'break stuff' (limp bizkit)kinda day.
i had a whole list of chores that i wanted to get done before cheeks got home and spent a good portion of the morning ticked off at myself cause it seemed like i spent more time in the bathroom peeing than i did doing what needed to be done.
turns out that while i was smart enough to limit myself to 2 cups of coffee, i forgot that iced tea has the same effect on me. took me until 20 minutes ago to figure that one out. what a dumbass thing to be pissed off about all day...

laura b. said...

Monday is a natural born anger day.

I try to be my own biggest supporter and my own greatest comfort...but it definitely isn't the same as feeling you have someone else 100% on your side....

Stray Cat said...

Breathe in, breathe out. Time will help sort things out. You are a survivor. That's what you are all about. Hugs

NoRegrets said...

Hi Heather! nice to know you are still alive...though angry.

Yeah Laura...

Hi SC! I'm hanging in, thank you.

Not Fainthearted said...

Hang in there. Churlita's right -- you can't skip over it, or avoid it or wish it away. You have to go through it. BUT YOU WILL MAKE IT!!! Your instinct is right -- you need to be #1 in your own life first. But you will find people to build a community around you to support you. #1 doesn't have to be the only 1.

Peace.

Mel said...

((((((((((((( you )))))))))))))

Sucks.

I know this.

Doesn't make anything different--but I do know it sucks.
Last time I checked, it was a good thing to just say what's true about where you're at.....

Just sayin'...