So, just came back from my psychiatrist. We'll start tomorrow with the new meds.
I was wondering if this was all worth it. Because my major life events have gone by, and perhaps I'd need less medication anyway. And I found out that sometimes, if the deathly rash starts, you can't stop it and even if you stop the meds you could die. How scary is that? But the slower you go, the less likely to get it. And we're starting really slowly. And I remember what it was like to feel depressed and I don't want to live another day like that if I can help it. I've completely embraced the 'better living through drugs' mantra. And I have health insurance, which makes a huge difference, obviously. (though right now I'm in that nowhereland of being off my ex's insurance and mine not yet processed, though it will be retroactive to the divorce - scary)
I've been going to her for four years. Wow. It's like a blink of an eye. And the emotional chaos I've gone through really did not help my marriage, but not having it likely wouldn't have saved it either. But it's kinda good to have something to blame for the divorce that was 'beyond our control'. The six years of our marriage, now gone, was like a blink of an eye also. Time truly does speed up the older you get.
So, working through this, I'm still comfortable with what I'm doing. I'm currently taking THREE medications, and only taking one would be a relief. And there could be a time in the future that I try going off of that one, to see if I can live a life without drugs.