Can I get off the ride now?

I was going to write - Can I get off now? But being that you are all perverts, I figured I'd stick to the above.

I really would like to get off this roller coaster ride. But I think I'm stuck with it for a while more yet. Hopefully, I guess. Since I think that's what life is.

It's just that the current ride is wearing on me. One hour being incredibly happy because I got some money back from the bank on the house and then later incredibly sad after finding out my mutual fund that I thought was 'safe' lost money. From being happy when finding out that the assumption process will 98% likely be completed when I need it to be completed by (no later than the 8th) to being sad when bringing my separation agreement to be notarized. And this is all in one fucking day.

Please can I get off and not be decapitated?

Update: and now I find out my uncle is dying of renal failure. Ok, I better go play the lottery because I need a good upper to go with this downer.

Because I need a pick up, you get one too

Postcards from the past

And the cleaning out of crap out of my house continues. And I keep finding interesting things. The below were saved because I used to collect stamps, so the postcards were in my possession.



Jul. 7, 1952
Hi Kid,
Waiting for a ride to the base - so I thought I'd drop you a short line of hello. It's about all you can fit on these cards - will write tomorrow.
Regards to your mother.
Best,
F



airmail - June 6 (not sure of year)
Hi K.
Here is the card I promised you - just finished the Hungarian Restaurants now working on the German ones - after 6 (or is it 7) drinks - we are still sober at 1 AM Friday.
Will see you.
Best,
F




Oct 4., 1953
Hi!
I got here finally if only for one day. We're enjoying ourselves, that is Evelyn and myself. We saw quite a bit of the Pulaski Day Parade. Will write in morning.
Love, K

Little glimpses of the courtship of my parents. Wasn't my dad such an emotionally expressive man? :-) It was wonderful finding these. I scanned them and sent to my siblings and mom...

Saturday Scavenger Hunt - Clean

Cleaning out my car of all detritus in preparation for my move to the ghetto. I say ghetto sort of but not really in jest. I'm a suburb girl, so it's scaring the bejesus out of me, but I know it will all be ok. I'll just be friendly. Though friendly might not protect my car in the middle of the night if there's anything showing.

On the lunch menu today

Was a good cry. Well, a sufficient cry. A good cry would have been sobbing, but sufficient is enough to get me through the rest of the work day. It's kind of nice to be lying on your back staring at the clouds go by and let the tears roll into your ears. Well, in a twisted sort of way, if you like crying. And you like water in your ears, which I don't, but drying them out gave me something to do. :-) The snot, however, was another story. Couldn't snort it in, so had to blow it out and be disgusting without a tissue. As opposed to being disgusting with a tissue. Or writing a blog entry.

Morally bankrupt

Well, I had a rant once about Merchant's Tire and Auto. Now I need to get two new tires and have an alignment, and I was going to go to NTB. But I found out that NTB and Merchant's are one and the same sort of. But I think I'm still going to go to NTB. This is kind of like going to confession, though I don't expect absolution.

My reasoning for doing this and not going to the dealer I know and trust is that NTB guarantees your alignment for 6 months (or a year?). The place I'm staying at in July is in the land of horrible roads, and I'm figuring it'll go out of alignment just in that month. And I need to save money. And I can't wait to get my alignment until August because I might be doing a big trip 4th of July weekend and it's already out of alignment. And I have to take care of my car. So there you go.

Whip me. Beat me. Chastise me. I'm sorry to let you down.

Of course, karma is already rearing its ugly head. I figured I'd feel better if I went to the NTB I had always gone to, so drove there special this morning, and the store is no longer there. So I couldn't get it done today.

How I wish it were sometimes

Oh, except if I'm the tourist.

Quote for the Day

Taken from Glamourpuss' site:

Courage is resistance to fear, mastery of fear - not absence of fear.

Mark Twain.

Seen on the Streets

Snuffleupagyuss

Bruce Almighty

The NJ theme continues - thanks to DBN for sending to me. It explains it all (and me) even more.

BRUCE'S SPEECH AT THE NEW JERSEY HALL OF FAME
Bruce Springsteen was inducted into the New Jersey Hall of Fame on May 4. Here's a transcript of his speech:

When I first got the letter I was to be inducted into the New Jersey Hall of
Fame I was a little suspicious. New Jersey Hall of Fame? Does New York have a hall of fame? Does Connecticut have a hall of fame? I mean, maybe they don't think they need one.

But then I ran through the list of names: Albert Einstein, Bruce Springsteen... my mother's going to like that. She's here tonight. It's her birthday and it's the only time she's going to hear those two names mentioned in the same sentence, so I'm going to enjoy it.

When I was recording my first album, the record company spent a lot of money taking pictures of me in New York City. But...something didn't feel quite right. So I was walking down the boardwalk one day, stopped at a souvenir stand and bought a postcard that said "Greetings from Asbury Park." I remember thinking, "yeah, that's me."

With the exception of a few half years in California, my family and I have raised our kids here. We have a big Italian-Irish family. I found my own Jersey girl right here in Asbury Park. I've always found it deeply resonant holding the hands of my kids on the same streets where my mom held my hand, swimming in the same ocean and taking them to visit the same beaches I did as a child. It was also a place that really protected me. It's been very nurturing. I could take my kids down to Freehold, throw them up on my shoulders and walk along the street with thousands of other people on Kruise Night with everybody just going, "hey Bruce...." That was something that meant a lot to me, the ability to just go about my life. I really appreciated that.

You get a little older and when one of those crisp fall days come along in September and October, my friends and I slip into the cool water of the Atlantic Ocean. We take note that there are a few less of us as each year passes. But the thing about being in one place your whole life is that they're all still around you in the water. I look towards the shore and I see my two sons and my daughter pushing their way through the waves. And on the beach there's a whole batch of new little kids running away from the crashing surf like time itself.

That's what New Jersey is for me. It's a repository of my time on earth. My memory, the music I've made, my friendships, my life... it's all buried here in a box somewhere in the sand down along the Central Jersey coast. I can't imagine having it any other way.

So let me finish with a Garden State benediction. Rise up my fellow New Jerseyans, for we are all members of a confused but noble race. We, of the state that will never get any respect. We, who bear the coolness of the forever uncool. The chip on our shoulders of those with forever something to prove. And even with this wonderful Hall of Fame, we know that there's another bad Jersey joke coming just around the corner.

But fear not. This is not our curse. It is our blessing. For this is what imbues us with our fighting spirit. That we may salute the world forever with the Jersey state bird, and that the fumes from our great northern industrial area to the ocean breezes of Cape May fill us with the raw hunger, the naked ambition and the desire not just to do our best, but to stick it in your face. Theory of relativity anybody? How about some electric light with your day? Or maybe a spin to the moon and back? And that is why our fellow Americans in the other 49 states know, when the announcer says "and now in this corner, from New Jersey...." they better keep their hands up and their heads down, because when that bell rings, we're coming out swinging.

God Bless the Garden State.

My lunch attacked me!

Heated up food. Hot food. Forkful of hot food. Arm leaning on desk slipped. Hot food attacked my face. Ow.

Recommendations please - movies to see

I went last night to see the place I'll be housesitting. Scary neighborhood, but I'm trying to think positively. I asked the cop as he was filling out my parking pass whether it guaranteed that my car wouldn't be broken into, and he just smiled.

Anyway, so the person I'm housesitting for is very nice. Not only is she continuing the newspaper delivery for me, but she also will put two movies on her Netflix queue for me. Trouble is, I'm used to going to Blockbuster and walking the aisles, and my big boss is in town for the next several days so there's none of my normal time at work to peruse. And I know how you all loving chiming in on what others should do... so....

Please recommend two recent rentals that I should rent. I just rented PS I love you this weekend, so that's off the list.

Thanks!

You from Jersey? I'm from Jersey! hahahahahaha

A certain no longer blog love crush of mine wrote recently:
So, do you have that great big hair with claw bangs hanging over your forehead? And do you smack gum and talk about how your cousin Vinny got drunk and tried to make a bona fide left turn, but wound up stuck in the gas station where you are not allowed to pump your own gas? Because that is what I imagine when I hear, "I'm from New Jersey."

See, there are all different sorts of people from New Jersey. The ones that MrT was referring to are the ones that say "I'm from Jersey", not I'm from New Jersey. But even they are cool. People from New Jersey are great - they are down to earth, friendly, helpful, sometimes loud, sometimes crude, but usually frank, people. And no, it isn't because the toxic waste dumps have altered their DNA. Even as yewts they learn the art of telling it like it is and busting your balls. And so what if there's an invisible thread tying all New Jerseyites to the exits of the NJ Turnpike? Such wondrous roads should be central in everyone's lives. And so what if you might someday wake up with a horse's head in your bed? There's amazing Italian food to be found in most locales in the state, and that's well worth it.

*Note: title is from Joe Piscopo's "You from Jersey?" routine on "Saturday Night Live."

Saturday Hunt - Help

Well, I have actually more photos that I'll have to add later, and hopefully this below is the right photo. This is the cutiepie that would HELP me by just being herself, and liking me!



And it's so dark you can't see her face. Sorry... I'll put other photos up tomorrow.

Oh, and it seems if you ever need help, you can call upon this man to have your back. Torrance. Ask Tera.

OK, feeling better - found my analytics

OK, I've been wondering about my analytics since Q/Fringes always write about theirs. I sort of accidentally finally figured out how to see them. Very interesting that the main two referring sites after blogger are Alien's and Squirrel's. Thanks guys! And cnn is number 3 - someone explain that one to me! Oh, maybe all the news articles I link to...

Also, my search terms are no so exciting as Fringes/Q. The top two are 'no regrets quote' and 'my husband birthday present'. Oh dear. The poor women who just want a friggin' birthday present for their husband dammit get shown my blog.

Let the games continue - R rated post.

OK, we're getting down to the final details of the separation agreement. There may be a few expletives in this post. Fucker is of course saying he wants some things that he hadn't spoken up about before. It's so much easier to criticize a proposal than it is to make the proposal yourself. Stupid idiot plays the woe is me card because I was the one to put an end to the nonsense we had, that seemingly he could have lived with forever. Maybe I'll ask for the washer or dryer just to fuck with him - he said oh it comes with the house, but that's a fucking assumption on his part. This weekend I will NOT be spending fun time with him. I will pack when he's out of the house, and fuck it, perhaps even when he's there. Why the fuck should I try and spare his feelings? Pain in my ass. How in the hell can I ever wonder why I'm doing what I'm doing? I have to get this anger out because if it comes out with him, hackles will go up and all the nicety-nice will come to an end. Fucker. And I don't want or need to hear that he's not sleeping well when I say it to him to tell him why I don't want to climb with him. Ugh.

Dream

Yesterday morning my trainer worked out my neck/upper shoulders big time. I went climbing last night, and of course hurt something. Not horribly, but enough that I had to ice/warm.

So, I had this dream that I had to ice my neck. There was a machine that you could put money into and you'd get something out that you could use. Well, I put my money in and out drops a frozen cat - not dead, just frozen. I was in shock at first. Then I thought, oh fuck, I'm going to have to take care of it. It moved around, looked at me and one eye was gone, and it wanted attention. I think the sane part of my brain said, what the hell are you going to do with this dream, and switched to something else or I woke up.

But then about a half hour later, in a sleep or semi sleep state, my black cat, Cleo, flashed into my head. She was just sitting there looking up at me in a nice way - just saying hi. So that was nice.

And in other news, if you are wearing a form fitting knee-length jean skirt that has a slit up the middle, it's fairly impossible to get onto your bike without tearing the junction of the slit. I'm glad I only paid about $4 for it at the thrift store. Sigh. But I liked this skirt.

Zen

From this website: Absolute Japan

Zetta Bytes - When The Rain Falls

I don't understand, this should be so easy
To just reach out my hand, I know the world is real
But nothing's as it seems, oh I can tell you freely
Touching's not the only way to feel

When the rain falls it's like Heaven's crying
And the names are the difference that there is
Cause tears are the same when they are trying to
Grow something good out of all pain, pain
There's no difference between the teardrops and the rain

I know you're probably saying, that I'm just talking crazy
To think of life that way means that I'm confused
There's happy and there's sad, but maybe yes just maybe
The sadness can make the happiness more true

When the rain falls it's like Heaven's crying
And the names are the difference that there is
Cause tears are the same when they are trying to
Grow something good out of all pain, pain
There's no difference between the teardrops and the rain

Because I know they're both so necessary
I don't let it bother me at all, oh

When the rain falls it's like Heaven's crying
And the names are the difference that there is
Cause tears are the same when they are trying to
Grow something good out of all pain
There's no difference between the teardrops and the rain

Lunch walk

Observations from my unsuccessful trip to deposit a check:

- What kind of message does a woman WANT to give, if any, if she wears stripper type shoes with business attire (granted, form fitting skirt and sweater)? I mean, you look at the shoes and think, whoa (high high heeled sandals with lots of strips across the top of the foot, kinda like bondage) Maybe it's just, if you got it, flaunt it?

- Underneath all that concrete in the roads is dirt. Plain dirt.

- Why do contractors and garbage men like to tie poor helpless stuffed animals to the front grills of their vehicles?

And back at my office:

- It's amazing how a simple recipe can impress and taste good. Seriously easy. Take chicken breasts. Roll them up individually. Wrap a piece of uncooked bacon or two around it. Stick in toothpicks to keep it rolled. Pour over undiluted Campbell's cream of mushroom soup. Cook for 1 hour at 350 degrees. I added peas for some green.

- It's amazing what a huge mess you can make with one simple cupcake. I was going to only eat the chocolate sprinkles on top, but went further. I don't like store bought frosting, and wanted to ask my friend who only eats frosting if I should save it for him, but didn't so wiped it off into the garbage. Of course, then got frosting all over my black pants. The cupcake gods were angry with me.

Lower your expectations

I love you

The three simple words that everyone longs to hear.
The three simple words that can cause so much complication.
The three simple words that express so much, yet so little.
Easy to say, harder to do.

I recently got an award from CUSS that I put in my blog award bookshelf at the bottom of my sidebar. It says on it 'I love you'. Like all other blog awards, you are supposed to pass it on. The thing is, I really can't. The three simple words for me are not so simple.

I've been calling my mom to make sure that she uses the air conditioner, is drinking and eating. The other day I almost said 'I love you' but choked it back. I have told my mom 'love you' maybe once or twice, but never the full three words, come to think of it. My family never said these three simple words to each other. I never heard my parents say these words to each other.

I used to feel bad about this (and sometimes still do), but really, my family shows their love for each other in many ways. We care about each other. Check in. Help out. It would be nice if we could express the love using these simple words, but we don't. And that's just the way it is.

For those of you who wonder, I have said it/do say it to the men I've loved/do love in my life. Once I figured out this issue, my goal has been to have more open relationships than I experience in my family. I know a consequence of not having more openness in my family is seeking it out in men, and in a different way, in friends. Thankfully I'm a cautious person so for the most part I haven't chosen bad men to be attached to (but oh those mistakes stick around for a long time!).

That doesn't mean it doesn't hurt when it goes. They say it's better to have loved and lost than never to have loved at all. I really think it's true, but it really sucks when you lose it, to put it very mildly.

I'm sitting here thinking about when I started living this way - opening myself up for the potential for pain. I think it's been a process over time since high school. Growing up in the family I did, I didn't know how to be open and was scared to death of it, but needed it desperately. So, over time I got to know myself, and got to know other people - make connections. I used to cling tightly for fear love would never come again, but it truly is a cycle, though not necessarily with the same person.

There's a movie you should watch - Truly, Madly, Deeply. It's way old at this point, but one of the stars is the guy who plays Snape. But if I remember correctly, it captured love really well...or maybe at least the losing of love (though I just checked the reviews and they sucked). I have had one all encompassing love that didn't work out in the end, and watching this movie was sad at the time.

But feeling is better than being numb or a zombie, and I keep trying to live that way. It's never easy though.

Tweet

I want to ask the person who knows why the caged bird sings why a mockingbird is singing since 3 am.

Wheel o' Watermelon

So, I admit I'm a bit quirky. But I don't think how I eat watermelon is that quirky. My colleague disagrees. She came in for a meeting and burst out laughing. I have a wheel o' watermelon on a plate, and I use a knife to cut out pieces of it and stick it in my mouth. This is how we did it growing up with those huge long watermelons, with real seeds, not these current wimpy 'seedless' things. A long huge watermelon was gone in an instant, since a family of 8 having at least one inch thick wheels o' watermelon is a lot of watermelon. The ends were never that popular, since you had to use a spoon to get it out and occasionally the watermelon piece would go flying... And so how do YOU eat watermelon?

For Churlita, to cheer her up

Striking Mimes.

King of the Hill

I turn it on for 2 minutes and fish tacos manages to get into the dialogue. It's fate...

Tired from a good day of climbing. This time without my husband, imagine that. One friend is teasing me that I'm dating my husband. She says that she's just trying to keep me thinking...and making sure I don't go back. Another friend completely understands since she spent bunches of time (too much) with her ex after they divorced. I'm just trying to stay balanced.

And, on a different note, a song for Evil-e. He'll know why.

Saturday Scavenger - Season

OK, I'm at my house packing up shit, and so I have access to the computer. As promised to Evil-E, here are photos!


[is this not what you meant Evile? :-) ]
Even though there's no 'ing', this is what I thought of first. All of my seasonings. So many I needed an extra drawer. My husband and I haven't talked about how to divide these. He actually is a good cook if he tries, which he never needed to since I love to cook.

And since I was on a roll with the music, I have to add my musical take on the word season. It's quite an appropriate song for all seasons. (it's a bad video, so, sorry)


And finally, added on Saturday night, a quote from the book I'm reading:
Men talked of war as if they committed it to preserve what they had and what they believe. But Inman now guessed it was boredom with the repetition of the daily rounds that had made them take up weapons. The endless arc of the sun, wheel of seasons. War took a man out of that circle of regular life and made a season of its own, not much dependent on anything else.

And what did YOU do on YOUR lunch hour?

-Oh man, it's starting to burn a little.

-Chocolate, lots of it, is my 'reward'.

-I'm glad I've jumped out of airplanes, because the anticipation was similar.

-CUSS is going to hate me.

-Traitor.

-Infidel.

-I'm afraid to look. Really truly.

-I've done what I swore I never would do.

Full Brazilian.

Why did I do this? Because I've never done it.
I've scoffed, pshawed, ridiculed, gagged, derided.

But then my friend who was getting married last fall went for hers, since she was going on a dive trip after her wedding, and she counted off some of the benefits. It stuck in my head. And other thoughts right now - summer's coming, if I do it now it's not FOR anyone and thus there's noone but me to like or dislike it. And though I'll be poor in a month, right now I'm not, so there you go.

Walking to the appointment I was trying to calm my nerves using techniques learned or developed from climbing and sky diving. I don't think it was the heat - my palms were sweating. But really once I got there it was all ok. The woman was very professional as she tied me down on the table in her soundproof room so noone can hear you scream.

Just joking. Actually, the room really was pretty soundproof. But I wasn't tied down and I didn't need to scream. Amazingly enough, it wasn't all that bad. Only one strip hurt really really badly, you can guess which. Topical anesthetic, I love you. And she also would cover the spot she waxed with her hand immediately after pulling, which helped immensely. And I managed to not fart, which was good, because who knows what she would have done to me then.

Factoid: The right side is more sensitive than the left. She said so - everyone experiences that.

Factoid: Some people bleed. I didn't.

Fact: I really can't look. I'm scared I'll gross myself out. I know I'll have to look at some point.

Next steps. Not wearing underwear right now (and wearing a skirt that will NOT fly up with a breeze). When I get 'home' I have to lather neosporin on me and wear loose clothing tonight.

And, so that's what I did on my lunch hour.

I hope noone comes to my blog looking for Social Security or Medicare information. This post will certainly blow their minds.

Preserve Social Security and Medicare

So, I went to the 25th Anniversary luncheon (this link brings you to the blog and the description of the event) of the National Committee to Preserve Social Security and Medicare today. As a guest. Amazingly enough, it wasn't boring as many luncheons are. In fact, if was very interesting to hear the grandson of Roosevelt and the daughter of Lyndon Johnson, both of whom were great speakers. In addition, a blogger that I had heard of through My Mom's Blog/Thoroughly Modern Millie received an award. Ronnie Bennett of Time Goes By was honored for her writing on, amazingly enough, Social Security and Medicare. :-)

I really encourage you to take a look at all the links to learn about how Social Security and Medicare can be preserved, and to look at Ronnie's blog to begin to understand issues from the perspective of aging individuals.

Song for Thursday

I was listening to this song this morning. I used to listen to it and cry. Then I left my husband.

On a lighter note, I moved houses last night. As I was leaving, Cutiepie did the fish lips, again without anyone asking. So I kissed her goodbye.

Idiocracy

I feel so bad for my doorman friend (US citizen but not born here). He had plans to go to Miami to visit family and then to El Salvador to visit a friend. He didn't realize that his passport expired so he did an expedited application. Didn't get it, didn't get it, and so went to the office. He was told that they wouldn't issue a passport due to nonpayment of child support from 1989. Thing is, he was cleared of that in the 90's. And, he was allowed to go to the Dominican Republic to bury his son in 2005. Stupid bureaucrats. So now he's not going on his vacation.

So you know the current rules and regulations.

Customs and Border Patrol Web Page

Let's get excited

Today's not a good day to start faking my excitement, if it involves jumping up and down. Forgot the bra. I wonder if I did jump and down in front of the zombie that now sits at the reception desk (male) would even notice.

Quick and Sweaty Update

- I had the home inspection on Friday. It went well, though it was damn hot. The place has stuff wrong with it, but nothing so major that I can't buy it. So that's good, but I'm scared to death. To be poor. To have such a commitment.
- My job is sort of in upheaval mode right now. How petrified was I when my boss said yesterday she wanted to go for a walk with me outside on one of the hottest days of the year? I just looked at her and said, I'm not being fired am I? I had to pee before going on the walk and it was the worst couple minutes in a while, imagining every possible horrible scenario. I managed to get myself under control without slapping myself in the face, which is almost what I needed. When I hysterically cried to a friend on the phone after the walk, she just repeated over and over that they can't fire me and that I need to fake excitement about the job for a while. So, I guess I will be a faker in the future. How's this for a statement from her - you have moments of brilliance but you're inconsistent, likely because life events have gotten in the way.
- One of the people I went climbing with this weekend was my husband. He climbed mainly with a friend of mine. The heat got to me and at one point I just started crying because I wasn't his climbing partner any more. He saw me and asked what was wrong and I told him, and he said 'I didn't know you liked climbing with me that much.' which wasn't really the point, but hey, that's ok. I need him to see sometimes that it's not easy for me.

Everybody who's anyone is doing it

1. Using the questions below, type your answer to each of the questions one at a time into Flickr Search.

2. Using the result, select an image from the first page.

3. Copy and paste each of the URLs for the images into fd’s mosaic maker. Choose the 4 x 3 or 3 x 4 option. There are 12 questions, so you’ll need 12 images.

4. Save your mosaic and upload it to your post. Or print it out and mail it to Grandma. She’ll think you painted it yourself and she’ll invite her friends over to make them jealous.The questions:

1. What is your first name?
2. What is your favorite food?
3. The name of your high school?
4. What is your favorite color?
5. Who is your celebrity crush?
6. Favorite drink?
7. Dream vacation?
8. Favorite dessert?
9. What do you want to be when you grow up?
10. What do you love most in life?
11. One word to describe you?
12. Your flickr name?

I feel bad because I do want to give credit for the photos, but I don't want people to know my words! But I'll get over the guilt.

you say tomato, I say tomahto

. Yesterday I went climbing with some friends in 90ish degree weather. We started at 8:00 AM so we'd be done before the most evil heat kicked in. Someone heard my phone ring around 11:30, but since I was on a rock, and it was down there on the ground, I didn't answer. What follows it the phone message I had. It made me laugh so hard.

"Hello, It’s 11:30 and I don’t know where you are, and I’m just staring at this gorgeous tomato on the counter and wondering if I can eat some of it. So call me if you get this because I can’t look at it any more. It just looks so good. I want to make a tomato sandwich. I hope that’s ok. I’m sorry. Bye."

What was great too was the sighs and moans accompanying the statements. I didn't bother calling her back since I knew it was already cut up. This was a tomato I had bought at the farm market on Saturday, when I went strawberry picking in the evil heat. Gorgeous gorgeous strawberries and well worth the sunburn and thirst (14 lbs I picked). And so after climbing yesterday I made a batch of jam, a strawberry/cherry pie, and strawberry bread. And then I collapsed from tiredness, but not before eating 2 pieces of pie and a huge hunk of bread.

Arrived today via email (spam)

Now they're getting personal. Ready to pick a fight I am...

"You look really stupid xxxxxxx [my name]"

saturday scavenger hunt - shine

Someday I'll have the ability to upload photos, but I'm running with the theme of music inspirations. When I saw the word shine, the first thing that came to my head was this song. It's one of the songs I'll sing to the sky lying on a dock at night in Maine. I chose Nat singing it instead of Leon Redbone, because the extended syllables are closer to what I do. But of course I exaggerate it to the nth degree, loudly, for all the world to hear.

There's an extra 20 seconds on this after he ends. Just fyi.

Because I can't download photos

I'm going to have to have a writing post. I took a photo of cutiepie this morning so I could show you the sweetheart that calls me 'ma', but I can't download them off my camera at work. So, instead I'll share something I found yesterday:

***
There's a life out there that I want and I can almost define it. It will be mine because I believe in myself and I can make it happen.

Repeat twenty times a day. Wait. Pray.
***

It was at the top of a spewing I had written one day at work and saved in my personal files. When I was agonizing about my life and my husband, and feeling helpless but not quite helpless. What I had written in the letter was 'There's a life out there that I want and I can almost define it. I don't believe in myself enough to make it happen.' And I think after a therapy session, it was suggested I change it to the above. I at least wrote it down. I didn't say it 20 times a day, but I should have. But I got there eventually.

Now I need to define the new life I want. I have started. It's a lot of work and I was feeling so overwhelmed about it yesterday. But today is a new day, and am trying to take it one step at a time.

The power of twittering

On CNN today: James Karl Buck was released from a Mahalla jail after sending a one-word blog post from his cell phone through the Twitter Web site. The message -- "Arrested" -- alerted all of his friends on the site of his detention.

Again, with the Philadelphia area

I don't know what it is, but the Philadelphia area tends to suck up all my best friends. It just hit me this morning that the people I'm staying with are moving August 1. Actually, it didn't just hit me - I thought they were moving later than that. It sucks. You'd think I'd be tempted to move to Philadelphia, but I'm not. I just really don't like that city. Maybe because I don't know it, and it's a better place to live than to visit, but I just don't have the desire to be there.

So, yet another child who will forget over time about me. Right now she calls for me when I'm in the house. I'm 'ma' and her mom is 'ma ma' (she has one of the letters right in my name!). The other day the only way her dad could get her in from the back was to say 'let's go look for ma'. She likes to step over/climb over my legs when I'm sitting on the floor. She found out she likes to feed me through the baby gate that stops her from falling down the basement stairs (where I sleep). This morning she went and got me my helmet and biking gloves without anyone asking her to do it.

All these changes are beating me over the head. I guess it's lucky I have a hard head.

What's your favorite?

1. Do not walk behind me, for I may not lead. Do not walk ahead of me, for I may not follow. Do not walk beside me, either. JUST LEAVE ME ALONE.
2. The journey of a thousand miles begins with a broken fan belt and a leaky tire.
3. It's always darkest before dawn. So if you're going to steal your neighbour's newspaper, that's the time to do it.
4. Sex is like air. It's not important unless you aren't getting any.
5. Don't be irreplaceable. If you can't be replaced, you can't be promoted.
6. No one is listening until you fart.
7. Always remember you're unique. Just like everyone else.
8. Never test the depth of the water with both feet.
9. It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others.
10. It is far more impressive when others discover your good qualities without your help.
11. If you think nobody cares if you're alive, try missing a couple of car payments.
12. Before you criticize someone, you should walk a mile in their shoes.
That way, when you criticize them, you're a mile away and you have their shoes.
13. If at first you don't succeed, skydiving is not for you.
14. Give a man a fish and he will eat for a day. Teach him how to fish, and he will sit in a boat & drink beer all day.
15. If you lend someone $20, and never see that person again, it was probably worth it.
16. Don't squat with your spurs on.
17. If you tell the truth, you don't have to remember anything.
18. If you drink, don't park; accidents cause people.
19. Some days you are the bug, some days you are the windshield.
20. Don't worry, it only seems kinky the first time.
21. Good judgment comes from bad experience, and a lot of that comes of bad judgment.
22. The quickest way to double your money is to fold it in half and put it back in your pocket.
23. Timing has an awful lot to do with the outcome of a rain dance.
24. A closed mouth gathers no foot.
25. Duct tape is like the force. It has a light side & a dark side, and it holds the universe together.
26. There are two theories to arguing with women. Neither one works.
27. Generally speaking, you aren't learning much when your mouth is moving.
28. Experience is something you don't get until just after you need it.
29. Never miss a good chance to shut up.
30. We are born naked, wet, and hungry. Then things get worse..

Grammar

Can someone teach me an easy way to remember which word to use when? Lie vs. Lay.

Here's the outside of the place (on the left)

Cure

What's the cure for an almost panic attack (almost not being able to breathe) because life just suddenly got to be too much? Lying outside in the shade reading a book about getting over divorce.

Twitter Tuesday

I've decided Tuesday is Twitter Tuesday. Be prepared to get short, sweet, random posts in a day, at least for a couple Tuesdays. But, for this first day, here's some info about Twitter.

A blog post about Twittering.

Twittervision (a 3-d experience...)

I just don't get it

There's been some conversations going on in other people's comments, about faking it [it=the big o gas m (I don't want to attract even more perverts - yes YOU --- or at least major excitement)]. Yes, it's been all women. And I made the statement that I have never ever faked it and never will, because if the guy can't do it (with my assistance even), then why should I stroke the ego? Some people call that brave. Some people say 'you're my hero'. But why? Isn't it better for the person to learn? And if you don't give a shit about they guy and having him learn, well, isn't that even more of a reason not to fake it? Would you want someone to fake it? And, um, can men fake it? So many questions, so little time.

'Tis the Season

FOR CLIMBING!

After all the crap and chaos, it's so nice to go outside and focus focus focus on climbing, and get your butt kicked by some rock. Went climbing here this weekend, and haven't been here in a while. It's like seeing an old friend. I actually went climbing with my husband, which was nice. Like I said, we'll be friends. Though I get a little nervous when his response to my teasing statement of 'thank you for not dropping me' is 'you didn't fall'. !! :-)

We did one three pitch climb on the right side. I did the first pitch and kind of got lost. He did the second which was scary even following. Then he did the third. The whole time the wind is howling through the gap, the trees swaying, the birds flying, leaves flying UP because of the wind. I had a hanging belay after the second pitch and I was literally hanging over an edge and space. Looking down at the tree tops. [btw, hanging belays SUCK because you can never have enough padding on your harness to make it comfortable]

Climbing up the third pitch I hear my husband make some noise, and he told me he'd tell me later what was happening. I just kept climbing and had to focus because it was tricky. Then I heard what sounded like thunder, and it was. I just kept climbing. I didn't notice until almost the end that it was raining! The rock was overhanging enough that I didn't get wet. My husband just had his right shoulder and head wet, for some strange reason. Another downpour came through after he was up and safe, and we stayed under some rock for shelter. So, needless to say, the day was ended for us. Though some might climb in the rain, we don't. It was fine though. We had a nice day.